I have no computer at home so I'm sorry to keep you all on the edge of your seats, I know you are starved for a dose of my wit and wisdom. OK, OK so the wisdom usually comes form the readers but just humor my dumb ass.
I've been busy on the post break-up apartment. Finally figured out how to get the pictures from inside this little digital box so check out my customized lamp shade...customized by moi...it was white when I bought it. Here's the headboard I made last January....ok enough about my creative genius, Martha Stewart should be calling me any minute.
Hindsight is 20/20, no insight is unforgivable
I know you can't live without my hillarious playbacks of stupid conversations had with the pill adled porn obsessed ex so...here goes. Please sit down and make sure it's not nap time because you are about to experience the biggest urge to scream "You've gotta be fuckin' kidding me!"
On Sunday I get a call from him and he says "Oh God I should tell you something funny but I'll never hear the end of it" to whic I reply, Oh please, we hardly talk anymore and I'm sure it can't be worse than the many other things you've said" so he goes on...he recounts "My friend called me this morning and was like, "Duuuude have you seen what's going on in New Orleans, it's terrible there are dead people lying around the stadium" to which my ex idiot replied..."Over a game?"
Yes people I am totally Serious. He has managed to live all this time not having one clue about this horrible world tragedy. He quite possibly should get a job with the administration, he could help them hatch all their poloicies of successful avoidance of important issues. I am incredulous for so many reasons...1) he watches more TV than anyone I know and has managed to miss a report...2) he spends ALL DAY online and has managed to miss a report...3) his mom is a nurse and must be hearing a ton about this...how in the hell can he be so FUCKING OBLIVIOUS?! Wow, is all I can say...just WOW.
Tomorrow I'm going to talk about my types. In my constant bitching about being lonely, I have been asked often what my type is. It's sure to illicit a laugh or two tomorrow. Thanks to everyone for their positive stories about themselves and friends surviving this cruel dating world. And, if you haven't gone here or here you should check these ladies out, they are hillarious and sweet and just plain fun reading.
I have to give one more shout to this girl who is my new friend at work. She is sickeningly youthful and fantastically well written. If you don't think she's funny, you are obviously not.