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Random blogger here. If you are even half way serious about your desire to call social services, I would recommend actually calling them and finding out what the circumstances are in which they will take a child or investigate. Unfortunately, I have had personal experience with this and it is sad what it takes, especially with an older child. For example, in my area, the case for neglect is much harder to meet with an older kid. You CAN make these calls anonymously, however, so your brother never needs to know.


My only thought is- if indeed she were to ever get placed into protective custody, where would she be placed? It may be more harmful for her to be put in a group home or something of the such.

Maybe you need to have a heart to heart with your brother and tell him how you feel. If he is new at this, then he might appreciate someone to discuss his own fears/anxieties with. Or, I could be totally wrong, it's hard to say.

Actually the whole thing is hard, and I don't envy you being in this position, Heidi. The friends that she chooses to hang with will be the deciding factor on what happens to her in the next few years.


I hate to be the one to tell you this, but child services does not take a kid, just because the parents don't handle things right. It actually takes a ton of abuse to have a kid yanked form a bad home. Even though he sounded dumb about it and should have let her come see you, he did still ground her. It's not like he completly ignored it. Give him time...he will have to learn how to become a full time parent. Also there is no way, she wasn't going to test him. It's great that you care and are so interested in her life. But you might want to call and yell at your brother a bit before you try to call CPS.

Oh and....your boyfriend rocks. He is definetly a keeper.


Heidi - you know I'm freaking out about this with you, right? You HAVE to know that I am freaking out right along with you. My niece and nephew are in VERY similar positions.


He has to know that it's not okay...he has to see what path he is laying out before her with this type of parenting. Oh, good grief, I am so freaking out!


Thing is, even if CPS agreed to take her from him, where would she end up? Are you prepared to take custody? God knows a lot of foster homes are probably worse than your brother's house (you read White Oleander, didn't you?). The situation sucks ass not least of all because there doesn't seem to be much you can do to protect her from all the bad parenting she is getting right now. (Also, I cannot believe that is how they spell her name!) I'd love to give you some advice here but I don't have any. Have you heard from your brother today--how did the weekend go?

Dave Morris

Yeah CPS would likely have no recourse in this case. She's 14 and DRINKING???? My God, I thought that was a typo. This girl is headed quickly for trouble, but you really need to handle it gingerly or your brother will just cut you off. I'd definitely have a talk, but don't brow-beat. Read him passages from parenting books, give him input, offer him help. But don't be too harsh, it's a delicate balance and "parents" can get insulted pretty easily.

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