thegrassaintgreener

Stinkeye

Have you ever put a Jalapeno in your eye? I know, I know, why would you right? Well, you would because you are slightly stupid and tired and only thinking about what your 2 month old needs and not about the fact that you cleaned out Jalapenos earlier in the evening to make homemade poppers for your hubby and then attempted to take your contacts out before bed not realizing that the FIVE HUNDRED times you washed your hands did NOT remove the burn agents and ohmygod how am i going to get this thing out of my eye IT'S BURNING IT'S BURNING IT'S BUUUUURRRRNNNINNNG FUUUUUCK. Luckily I was at my sister's house and she has a son who has worn contacts since a very young age and therefore, is well versed at digging a contact out of another persons eyeball. This is very lucky because there is no way my husband could have helped - he can't even trim the dogs nails - there's no way he's going to attempt to put his finger in my eye. The contact made it "safely" out of my eye and into the case for overnight soaking. The next day it was still unwearable. When I tried to put it in my eye it burned so I quickly took it out (my fingers had come clean by then). By the third day though, I was able to see again. The moral of the story is, don't stick your finger in your eye if you have been touching something you wouldn't put directly in your eye. Fucking Duh. Lastly, how the hell I managed not to end up burning my tiny child's mouth/skin/butt with the toxic fingers in question is beyond me. ALthough, if I had, I prolly would have been alerted to the fact that I should not stick them in my eye.

Missing a Man

In five days it will be the one year anniversary of my Father's death. As I look at my tiny, adorable daughter, I have a hard time going to a sad place. And I feel terrible about it. For so many years the only family I had was my Dad. And even that was touch and go given his mental state. Since around 2000 though, I could count on that family connection. It was comforting in a way I hadn't known before. In the last couple of years, my family has grown. I met my husband and therefore inherited his family who are all about family like I've never experienced. Then with my Father's accident came a bond with my sister that has grown to something truly wonderful, including having babies 7 weeks apart. And there is my Brother who has become a man people are compelled to adore given his struggles and what he has turned them into. So I sit here, mourning my Dad greatly and longing for the experience of him holding my little Miss Maggie in his great big arms. Yet, I am also fulfilled by the family that has transpired in his wake. Does this make me a bad person? Fulfilled even though I have lost him, my one true, constant family? I know he would be happy for me. And I know he is watching over me, Trent and Maggie from his motorcycle gas tank shaped urn on my bookshelf, but does he feel marginalized by my happiness? I hope not. I loved him so completely. Enough to overlook the irresponsible parenting and see the love that was there from a young man left with sole custody. I wish he could have held her though. My little angel. He would have been so in love. Maybe as in love as I am.